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Cave Johnson quotes :)
Nov. 1st, 2011 12:17 pmhttp://www.cavejohnsonhere.com/
My favorite ones:
- Science isn't about why, it's about why not!
- Those of you who volunteered to be injected with praying mantis DNA, I've got some good news and some bad news: bad news is we're postponing those tests indefinitely. Good news is we've got a much better test for you: fighting an army of mantis men. Pick up a rifle and follow the yellow line!
- Alright this next test may involve trace amounts of time travel. So word of advice: if you meet yourself on the testing track don't make eye contact. Lab boys tell me that'll wipe out time - entirely. Forward and backward. So do both of yourselves a favor and let that handsome devil go about his business.
- Beancounter said I couldn't fire a man just for being in a wheelchair - did it anyway, ramps are expensive.
- This first test involves something the lab-boys call repulsion gel. You're not part of the control group by the way - you get the gel. Last poor son of a gun got blue paint, ha ha ha! All joking aside, that did happen. Broke every bone in his legs - tragic. But informative! Or so I'm told.
- Oh, in case you got covered in that repulsion gel, here's some advice tha lab-boys gave me: [paper rustling] do not get covered in the repulsion gel!
- Just a heads up: that coffee we gave you earlier had fluorescent calcium in it so we can track the neuronic activity in your brain. There's a slight chance the calcium could harden and vitrify your frontal lobe. Anyway, don't stress yourself thinking about it. I'm serious, visualizing the scenario while under stress actually triggers the reaction.
- Alright, we're working on a little teleportation experiment. Now this doesn't work with all skin types, so try to remember which skin is yours, and if it doesn't teleport along with you we'll do what we can to sew you right back into it.
- Since making test participation mandatory for all employees, the quality of our test subjects has risen dramatically. Employee retention, however, has not.
My favorite ones:
- Science isn't about why, it's about why not!
- Those of you who volunteered to be injected with praying mantis DNA, I've got some good news and some bad news: bad news is we're postponing those tests indefinitely. Good news is we've got a much better test for you: fighting an army of mantis men. Pick up a rifle and follow the yellow line!
- Alright this next test may involve trace amounts of time travel. So word of advice: if you meet yourself on the testing track don't make eye contact. Lab boys tell me that'll wipe out time - entirely. Forward and backward. So do both of yourselves a favor and let that handsome devil go about his business.
- Beancounter said I couldn't fire a man just for being in a wheelchair - did it anyway, ramps are expensive.
- This first test involves something the lab-boys call repulsion gel. You're not part of the control group by the way - you get the gel. Last poor son of a gun got blue paint, ha ha ha! All joking aside, that did happen. Broke every bone in his legs - tragic. But informative! Or so I'm told.
- Oh, in case you got covered in that repulsion gel, here's some advice tha lab-boys gave me: [paper rustling] do not get covered in the repulsion gel!
- Just a heads up: that coffee we gave you earlier had fluorescent calcium in it so we can track the neuronic activity in your brain. There's a slight chance the calcium could harden and vitrify your frontal lobe. Anyway, don't stress yourself thinking about it. I'm serious, visualizing the scenario while under stress actually triggers the reaction.
- Alright, we're working on a little teleportation experiment. Now this doesn't work with all skin types, so try to remember which skin is yours, and if it doesn't teleport along with you we'll do what we can to sew you right back into it.
- Since making test participation mandatory for all employees, the quality of our test subjects has risen dramatically. Employee retention, however, has not.
